Busy day

Today has been busy. I've been running errands, chasing my daughter, making fall crafts and trying to figure out how to become a certified teacher. I have a degree in something other than education and now I'm working on becoming a certified teacher in my state. Anyhow, to the food, some yummy Kashi and yougurt.

Lunch and dinner was spinach and artichoke dip with a tortilla chips. It was delicious and I used fat free mayo, reduced fat parmesan and sour cream and tried to make it as healthy as I could.

So back to the school thing. Since our finances haven't been going so well and I want a normal job I've decided to go back to school and get my certification. While I'm doing that I'm going to substitute teach. I'm pretty excited about this change and I'm looking forward to having a job that is helpful to others. I'm changing already.

Over-easy and a highly emotional

Breakfast today was an over easy egg with half of a toasted whole grain English muffin. I topped with Italian seasoning and I ate it with a little bit of salsa. It was really good but for some reason I was still hungry so I grabbed a yogurt to share with P. So I guess I ate half of a yogurt too.


I said in one of my previous posts that I was going to continue my goal from last week since it got screwed up last week. So this week I will again try to work out twice a week.

Another goal I'm working on...which is sorta a month long goal is to completely clear out our pantry and freezer by eating only things that we already have. I will have to buy eggs, milk and bread....stuff like that. So I say this because I know the next few weeks meals will look really strange. I mean stuff like Spam, beans, cornbread, etc. I know that those things aren't all healthy but I have to get rid of the crap in our pantry in order to only shop healthily from now on.

Breakfast of Champions.

Today my and P (my daughter) had a late morning so I decided to make a more extravagant breakfast for us. I made a breakfast bagel with eggs, cheese and bacon. The bagel is whole grain and the bacon was low sodium. I know it wasn't the healthiest choice but it was going to be our breakfast and lunch since it was so late.

I put a little spiced chai in my coffee this morning. It was a little too sweet for me so I couldn't really finish it.

Today I have a big to-do list today. I want to bake a pie for my husband, clean my house, finish all my ironing, do some laundry, organize our art/music studio and teach myself to crochet.

Who thinks I can do it?

Doctor's visits.

Breakfast today was an apple and some yogurt with a glass of water. I shared a little with P (my daughter). I was really full after that. It's still hard for me to eat breakfast. It's like torture but I know it's really important to do. I do have more energy for the rest of the day after I eat my breakfast so I know it's working.

Around 11 a.m. I grabbed a kashi bar and a bottle of water to head out the door to take P to the doctor. She's had some issues with an infected lymph-node and complications with her medication. As I sat there watching her play in the office I thought to myself "I've really got to get a hold of myself." I don't want her to have to go see the doctor if she doesn't have to. I want to create the healthiest lifestyle for P and any future children I have and that includes me being healthy too. How is P going to listen to me when I say eat your veggies, exercise and be healthy when I'm not doing it myself.

I'm doing all these changes for myself obviously but it's more than just me. I affect many people around me. I can do a lot of changes for good but the first change has to be me.

A Clean house is a happy house.

My lunch today consisted of left over shrimp salad from yesterday and some teriyaki noodles with two servings of veggies and a big glass of water. I could NOT eat all of this. I actually shared it with my daughter. She likes to just sit by me and nibble off of what I'm eating. She's only 20 months old so she hasn't learned to eat off of her own plate yet. Nah, I'm teasing she just always wants what mommy wants.


My daughter and I also shared a snack around 3 today of cheese, crackers and turkey meat. She loved it but it was also very filling and we couldn't finish it all either. I ended up making chicken marsala for dinner but I didn't eat a lot of pasta, I mostly at the chicken. It was delicious. My husband, daughter and I ended up taking a walk in our neighborhood after we cleaned the kitchen. It was a lovely night.


I do want to talk about how much I accomplished today. I haven't been this productive in a long time. I cleaned my kitchen, dining room, bathroom and daughter's room AND I even did 2 loads of laundry and about 2 hours of ironing. I also did all of these things while my air conditioner was broken today. (It's fixed now..thank the LORD). I was so sweaty but I was sooo loving it. I kept thinking this is a great workout and a great way to sweat it all out.


I wanted to share a few shots of my clean kitchen and dining room. I feel that sharing a little more personal photos of my life will help you get to understand me a little better. I have chosen to not share my name or photos of what I look like because I want to be able to share my thoughts, struggles, goals etc more freely on this blog. I feel like if I put my name and face on it that I will hold back and I won't be able to really grow. You see, this blog isn't just about losing weight to me. It's about changing myself, my attitude, my soul and everything about myself. I've come to realize that a lot of why I struggle with my weight and this overwhelming feeling of being out of control of life is because I have not had control of my actions or my mind or my soul in years and years. The more I lost control of my will, mind, soul, heart, etc...the more I gain weight. I tend to want to control other things instead of myself and put that focus on everything but myself and the more I do that the less I focus on how I'm killing myself, I'm keeping a terribly filthy house and I'm making poor decisions as a mom, wife and friend. In every single way I want to change myself. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time but I really feel the difference.

Making the most of the day

This morning breakfast was Cascadian Farm granola cereal with 1% milk with raisins. It was very good and under 300 calories. It was very filling I couldn't even finish it all.

I decided to weigh myself today (even though I know I haven't been able to work out or eat right for two weeks) and I gained three pounds. I'm not upset about it...the last two weeks were not normal weeks for me. I had family in town for more than a week and they weren't trying to eat healthy and I was working on projects at the church for the rest of the time and the healthiest choices were not readily available to me. Next week will be better.

- I actually like my feet but in this picture my ankles and feet enormous. That's probably because they are. Just one more motivation.

On a more positive note I was able to get all my laundry done today which was about two weeks worth. I haven't gotten all of my cleaning done today but I plan on finishing everything so that I can start of fresh on Monday morning. If you have read my previous posts then you know that each week I try to make one change in my life to become a better person. This week the change is that I want to start waking up at a specific time every morning so that I can get in a better habit of getting my day started in the morning. So the plan looks like this...

Week 1 - Eating Breakfast
Week 2 - Eat 3 Veggies and 2 Fruits a day (not doing so well with this one)
Week 3 - Waking up at 7 a.m. every morning no matter what

I have a bad habit of waking up at the last possible moment or waiting until my 1 1/2 year old wakes me up which is at a different time every morning. This causes me to never have a set routine in the morning and procrastinate getting things done. So I'm thinking if I can reset my internal clock that I can get up at the same time every day and have a routine for the morning time so I can get things done sooner. This is a huge thing for me because I have terrible sleeping habits and I'm always tired which is why I get behind on cleaning, organizing and anything in life. My husband says he's going to help me.

A secret workout

The secret is ... painting. Go paint a room and you'll feel the burn the next day. My husband is a youth pastor (which I'm not sure if I've mentioned before) but we just started a room makeover and yesterday we painted the room. Today my back, legs and arms are sore...you know...the way the feel after an amazing workout. I'm sure I burned a ton of calories and not to mention all the sweat I lost. (The photo above is of two owls that are going in our room.)

I know people always say after this one thing (event, etc) I'm going to do this week or this weekend I will start my diet. Well I could say that I can't control a lot of my habits this week because my days are spent with teenagers painting and redecorating and all they want to eat is pizza. Go figure. For real after this week is over and I can choose my own lunch and dinner I will be sharing recipes and new ideas as well as sharing what is going on in my head through out this journey I'm on.

the low down ...

the deal is ...today I weight 290 pounds. I'm 5'8" maybe 5'9" on a good day...when I tell people how much I weigh or even that I gained 100 pounds within two years they say no way...I seriously think I look exactly 290 pounds or even more. I've got huge arms and a belly. That's what I think looks the biggest on myself and I hate clothes obviously because of this. I used to be a runner, soft ball player, calorie counter and all around healthy person until I got married 3 1/2 years ago. I don't know what changed. I think I just got lazy but now it's a vicious cycle that I cannot escape.

Tomorrow I plan on taking my measurements and posting them up so you can see the progress with me. I have a gym membership that I just transferred to the new city my family and I moved to . So my idea is that I'm in a new city, my husband has a new job, we are in a new house...so this is the perfect time to make over myself and become NEW. The only thing is I've tried weight watchers, alli pills, atkins, personal trainers ...everything for the last 20 months and those thing work for a month and then I realize how tired I am or how other things in my life slip away. I have come to the realization that I can't make huge changes all at once. It has to be a life change inside of me, inside of my mind and mostly inside my soul. So my plan is to change one thing each week from just eating breakfast, making a daily to do list, cutting out soda...whatever it may be. The bigger picture is that I will be living an organized, goal oriented, healthy, energetic and skinny life.

So this week...starting today (Monday) is to always eat a balanced breakfast.

Here we go.

I've been thinking...

about starting this blog for a long time now. The thing is... that picture above is me. It's me now but it's not who I really am. Just 3 years ago I was 100 pounds lighter. Actually I gained that 100 pounds in let than a year in a half. I gained a lot of weight from birth control, pregnancy, stress...and just well, eating way to much. I find that this "new body" I'm in makes me feel weird and not like myself. It actually makes me feel sad and uncomfortable.

Before I go on crying about myself and throwing a pity party...it was my own fault that I got this way. It's not just the weight that has been bothering me it's just that I am not every being myself and doing things that really make me happy. I'm a fairly new mom with a little girl under the age of 2. I want more children but I'm so unhealthy. I work from home doing some medical work and art on my online store. I want to do more and I want to be more organized but I feel like my life has been spiraling downwards in a bad way. I'm tired all the time, I don't feel good about myself, I'm unorganized and I'm unhappy. I've tried to just go all out and change myself all at one time, just do all the things that I want but it only lasts for a week and then I'm back to my old ways. I try to diet, I try to be clean and organized and finish my goals, I try to be nice, I try to be perfect but it just wears me out. I try to do too much at one time and then feel overwhelmed.

So I say all of these things to say that I've created this blog to share with you my quest to change my life. Everything from weight, to attitude, to organization to reaching all my goals. I just want to be a better person inside and out.

I hope you enjoy this journey with me. I need all the encouragement that I can get.