Just so you believe me.

I had to share a couple of photos of my body just 4 years ago. No stinking lie. I was over 100 pounds lighter than I am now less than 4 years ago...actually I can really say just about 3 years ago. I've only been married for 3 1/2 years.

This photo above doesn't show that I was the most skinny person in the world but I was fit...and actually my stomach wasn't that big I'm wearing like 3 shirts in this picture and I'm bending forward. I was really into running then and my stomach was really flat. As you can see in my wedding photo I was actually around the same size as my husband. Now I'm over 100 pounds heavier than him. I hate that.

I'm showing these to tell you that there is a skinny well put together person inside this fat body of mine and I want my life back .

A healthy day

Okay so I finally made me some sushi. It sounds like a super big deal but it's really easy. Usually when I make sushi I make it all myself from scratch but today I just used this sushi wrap in box. It's delish! One serving is only 170 calories before adding anything inside...so you can determine how many extra calories you want or how healthy you want your filling to be. Today I just used avocado and cucumber. I ate this around 11:00 a.m. it was filling for a couple of hours or so.


So at about 1-2 p.m. I made a veggie burger with avocado on a whole wheat bun. It was amazing except for the part where I over cooked my patty. :( My fruit on the other hand was so good. Blueberries are so good right now.


Now for dinner around 6:30 I made and ate one of my favorite salads. I call it my shrimp salad cause I don't really have an interesting name for it. Anyhow its a mixture of romaine and iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, feta cheese, shrimp (cooked in lemon juice and pepper) and oil and vinegar for the dressing (sometimes I use a dash of salt and pepper on the entire salad as well). Today I had to meet my husband up at the church to eat dinner so I packed up a meal for the three of us. Me, hubby and our daughter (she's 20 months old). She liked it. We didn't actually get to eat the cherries...I'm saving them for tomorrows breakfast.


So ...today I decided to stand on the scale (I have no idea why). I know I should wait and only weigh in once a week but I just did it. I weight 288.... It's such a huge number. I'm just staring at it. Although it is a big number it is 5 pounds down from Sunday's weigh in. AND...I'm even on my period now which means I'm bloated. So being sick really has helped me lose weight. Too bad it sucks to be sick. So the goal is to keep those 5 pounds off for good. I can't wait till my next blog post....see you then.

Making the most of the day

This morning breakfast was Cascadian Farm granola cereal with 1% milk with raisins. It was very good and under 300 calories. It was very filling I couldn't even finish it all.

I decided to weigh myself today (even though I know I haven't been able to work out or eat right for two weeks) and I gained three pounds. I'm not upset about it...the last two weeks were not normal weeks for me. I had family in town for more than a week and they weren't trying to eat healthy and I was working on projects at the church for the rest of the time and the healthiest choices were not readily available to me. Next week will be better.

- I actually like my feet but in this picture my ankles and feet enormous. That's probably because they are. Just one more motivation.

On a more positive note I was able to get all my laundry done today which was about two weeks worth. I haven't gotten all of my cleaning done today but I plan on finishing everything so that I can start of fresh on Monday morning. If you have read my previous posts then you know that each week I try to make one change in my life to become a better person. This week the change is that I want to start waking up at a specific time every morning so that I can get in a better habit of getting my day started in the morning. So the plan looks like this...

Week 1 - Eating Breakfast
Week 2 - Eat 3 Veggies and 2 Fruits a day (not doing so well with this one)
Week 3 - Waking up at 7 a.m. every morning no matter what

I have a bad habit of waking up at the last possible moment or waiting until my 1 1/2 year old wakes me up which is at a different time every morning. This causes me to never have a set routine in the morning and procrastinate getting things done. So I'm thinking if I can reset my internal clock that I can get up at the same time every day and have a routine for the morning time so I can get things done sooner. This is a huge thing for me because I have terrible sleeping habits and I'm always tired which is why I get behind on cleaning, organizing and anything in life. My husband says he's going to help me.

The number 10

Have you ever heard of couples referred to as the number 10. As in one looks like the 1 and the other looks like the 0. Well that's me and my husband. It's not fair. He eats all the crap in the world and I eat one bad thing and gain 5 pounds. I eat like a bird compared to him. He's 6'3" and weighs 175 (maybe) and I'm 5'9" and weight 290. So rough.


This week has been craziness for me. My husband and I have been re-doing the youth room at our church. Painting, hanging curtains, etc. I've been at the church non-stop for the last 5 days. Things like this are why I have a hard time losing weight. Stuff just gets in my way but I don't want it to be like that. Today I took my measurements.... brace yourself they are ridiculous.

Waist-54 inches
Bust - 51 inches
Hips - 55 inches
Legs - 33 1/2 inches
Arms - 20 1/2 inches

So, now that you can see that I'm straight from my boobs down and not in a good way you can see that I've got some work to do. My legs are as big around as my waist should be. This is awful. It's reality though and I don't want to die and I don't want diabetes and I want to feel normal again so I need these reality checks. Tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow I plan on cleaning my house, getting caught up on laundry and organizing my pantry so I can make a meal plan for the next week. This change is not just about weight it's about being organized and being put together...which are things that I am not right now.

the low down ...

the deal is ...today I weight 290 pounds. I'm 5'8" maybe 5'9" on a good day...when I tell people how much I weigh or even that I gained 100 pounds within two years they say no way...I seriously think I look exactly 290 pounds or even more. I've got huge arms and a belly. That's what I think looks the biggest on myself and I hate clothes obviously because of this. I used to be a runner, soft ball player, calorie counter and all around healthy person until I got married 3 1/2 years ago. I don't know what changed. I think I just got lazy but now it's a vicious cycle that I cannot escape.

Tomorrow I plan on taking my measurements and posting them up so you can see the progress with me. I have a gym membership that I just transferred to the new city my family and I moved to . So my idea is that I'm in a new city, my husband has a new job, we are in a new house...so this is the perfect time to make over myself and become NEW. The only thing is I've tried weight watchers, alli pills, atkins, personal trainers ...everything for the last 20 months and those thing work for a month and then I realize how tired I am or how other things in my life slip away. I have come to the realization that I can't make huge changes all at once. It has to be a life change inside of me, inside of my mind and mostly inside my soul. So my plan is to change one thing each week from just eating breakfast, making a daily to do list, cutting out soda...whatever it may be. The bigger picture is that I will be living an organized, goal oriented, healthy, energetic and skinny life.

So this week...starting today (Monday) is to always eat a balanced breakfast.

Here we go.

I've been thinking...

about starting this blog for a long time now. The thing is... that picture above is me. It's me now but it's not who I really am. Just 3 years ago I was 100 pounds lighter. Actually I gained that 100 pounds in let than a year in a half. I gained a lot of weight from birth control, pregnancy, stress...and just well, eating way to much. I find that this "new body" I'm in makes me feel weird and not like myself. It actually makes me feel sad and uncomfortable.

Before I go on crying about myself and throwing a pity party...it was my own fault that I got this way. It's not just the weight that has been bothering me it's just that I am not every being myself and doing things that really make me happy. I'm a fairly new mom with a little girl under the age of 2. I want more children but I'm so unhealthy. I work from home doing some medical work and art on my online store. I want to do more and I want to be more organized but I feel like my life has been spiraling downwards in a bad way. I'm tired all the time, I don't feel good about myself, I'm unorganized and I'm unhappy. I've tried to just go all out and change myself all at one time, just do all the things that I want but it only lasts for a week and then I'm back to my old ways. I try to diet, I try to be clean and organized and finish my goals, I try to be nice, I try to be perfect but it just wears me out. I try to do too much at one time and then feel overwhelmed.

So I say all of these things to say that I've created this blog to share with you my quest to change my life. Everything from weight, to attitude, to organization to reaching all my goals. I just want to be a better person inside and out.

I hope you enjoy this journey with me. I need all the encouragement that I can get.